chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
