I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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