it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
