I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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