just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
