cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
