lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
