my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
