just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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