An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
