So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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