She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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