i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
