I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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