I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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