Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
