I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
