i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
