This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
