6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
