We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize