ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
