We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
