remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
