We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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