I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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