Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hippo gnu deer
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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