I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
