I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
