So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
