It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drake has all the answers
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
