He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
