I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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