they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
