Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
