I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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