Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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