i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
