Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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