i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
