I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
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She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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