Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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