If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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