We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
