So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
