Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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