I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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