literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
