I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
