Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
