He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Come on in and take your pants off
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