She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
