Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
