I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
