Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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