i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
