You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
