I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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