Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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