Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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