she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
