What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
