Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
