Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
