I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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