I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
