Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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