i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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