spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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