If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
