My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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