I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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