i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
