I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
