I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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