Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
