Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
