have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
