Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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