I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
