Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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