I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
