My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
