i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize