Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
